Stuff of nightmares . . .

Quite frankly, I find those Triple Velvet "Love Your Bum" toilet paper adverts disturbing.

You must have seen them - the one where the boss of a factory is a baby. Wandering around in a suit, looking like a miniscule 80 year old, saying (out of sync) "This is the stuff dreams are made of".

It's just wrong. It's probably meant to be cute, but I find it plain repellant.

Which shows just how wrong it is - I love babies!

I think it would make a fantastic villain in something like Doctor Who though . . .

Pass me some earplugs . . .

The author would like to know WHY people think it is socially acceptable to sit at their desk and hawk up great gobs of phlegm from the back of their throat? I mean, really! It has to be one of the most repulsive habits there is.

I sit at my desk, day after day, listening to Señor Phlegm building up to his moment of glory.

First will be a couple of gentle coughs, testing the water so to speak. A few sniffs perhaps, to place said mucous in primary hawking position.

And then . . . . . urgh. A prolonged noise, like the sound of a blocked plughole trying to drain, which can last anything up to about 3 seconds. Doesn't sound much, but try counting it in your head and applying said sound effects to 3 seconds of time. It's an ETERNITY!

It's beginning to make me feel nauseous.

Oh God . . . here we go again . . .

Thought for your Fellow Man?

Today, I saw an example of true compassion for your fellow man, and yes, I am being sarcastic.

Being a beautiful sunny day, I decided to wander down to Camden. The bus-stop isn't a bus-stop per se - just one of those stick-your-arm out jobs. It stops outside a group of council houses.

I sat down on the low wall whilst I waited, and there was one other person - a lady probably in her mid-70's.

All of a sudden, this dreadfully stroppy woman comes marching up with her kid in a pushchair, and starts ranting on about us being awfully rude sitting on "her" wall and how it was a wall and not a bench. I stood up immediately, just to avoid confrontation. And then stood there aghast as she raged at this elderly lady, that she was being rude and disrespectful (is this the favourite word of the chav classes?) by sitting on "her" wall, it was part of "her" property and she knew what her legal rights were. I think she even mentioned the police at one point. She carried on ranting, even as this by now completely bewildered elderly lady struggled to her feet. Luckily the bus came at this point, as I was slowly starting to simmer and about to butt in. As we got on the bus, the lady said to me very sadly "In 50 years of living here, no-one has ever spoken to me like that."

Then on the bus, I had to listen to the usual group of teens playing music out loud on their dreadful tinny mobiles. This put me into a boiling rage - it's bad enough everyone has to listen to it but the music they play is always complete CRAP! One of these days I am going to borrow some opera or classical music off someone and download it to my mobile, which plays music significantly louder and with better quality than theirs. A bit of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, with the cannon guns going off would be quite effective I think? Mind you, I still have the soundtrack to Phantom of the Opera on my laptop. The gorgeous Gerard Butler singing "Music of the Night" maybe.

Speaking of Mr Butler, I didn't realise till yesterday that it was him playing King Leonidas in 300, and bouncing around wearing nothing but boots, a loincloth and a cloak. And looking incredibly buff!


He's got a seriously dodgy beard in it, but I still would . . .